Congratulations! Bed Bath & Beyond thinks you’re an idiot!
"I know! We can target bulimics!"
Today’s morons? The dopes who put together Bed Bath & Beyond’s latest sales flyer (crappy cellphone pic at right).
Turns out that the store in which no heterosexual male would be caught dead has (to quote the Blues Brothers movie) “both kinds” of products: Those for binging and purging!
Just in case you were worried that Bed Bath & Bulimic didn’t have the sweet tang of passive and the salty snap of aggressive covered, the company’s latest attempt to make you forget that the economy has not only circled the toilet bowl like an errant turd, but also flushed through and left unsightly brown claw-marks that require the vigorous application of a bristly brush, clearly proves the marketing department thinks its shoppers are bi-polar buffoons.
Alongside pictures of $40 and $80 chafing dishes and $35 tiny-food trays, all heaping with Queen-Latifah-sized portions of food for your piehole, is a picture of a pair of feet on a $60 scale. The food pictures all carry the headline “yumm,” while the scale carries the headline “YIKES!”
Just in case you’re too stupid to get the “joke,” (and I can assure you that the marketing geniuses at Bed Bath & Bile think you have the IQ of a sandwich) the scale reads “UH-OH.”
Now, which buttons, exactly, is this supposed to push?
I guess they figure I’m going to run out and buy all their food-preparation crap, use it to pack my colon full, then step on their scale and freak the hell out–all the while knowing that this incredible circle of self-loathing was calculatedly premeditated by the people who sold me this junk in the first place?
Riiiight. Now how, exactly, is that supposed to make me feel good about parting with my rapidly withering disposable income while my 401(k) does its impression of a Japanese Zero dead-aiming the U.S.S. Arizona? Anyone with enough of a brain to recognize a mirror and fog it can answer this question easily: It’s not.
You guessed it: I remain unimpressed.